Tuesday, 5/19/2015, approximately 5:30pm.

In the car upon picking up from after school care.

Sam: For my birthday sleepover we’re now going to have 6 kids.

Me:  Oh, really?  When was this decided?

Sam:  I already talked to dad about it.

Me:  Oh, I see.

Alex:  Then Will (the friend Allie will have over) and I will have the iPads to play with in the morning.

Me: Yeah…that’s not going to happen.

Alex:  But, why not?

Me:  Because if you have a friend over, the purpose is for you to interact and play together, not to be isolated on a device.

Alex:  But mmmmooooommmmm!

Sam:  It’s not fair for her to get the iPads, the 4^th graders should get them because it’s my birthday.

Me:  Ladies, neither of you will have the iPads.

Sam & Alex:  Pppppppllllllleeeeeeeasssssseeeeeee!  Please!  Please!

Me [a very tired mom who had a very long day]:  This argument is over.  My answer is no.  I expect you to respect that.

Crickets…

Ten minutes later at our dinner destination because this very tired mom couldn’t bear the thought of cooking a meal.

Sam:  Mom, you know we weren’t arguing with you earlier; we were NEGOTIATING.

Me [huge smile on my face remembering what a gift it is to be a mother]:  Ahhhhh, negotiating.  Why how could I have been so confused?  So what exactly IS the difference between arguing and negotiating?

Sam [these are her exact words]:  Negotiating is where there are two perspectives that are considered and you try to agree on something in the middle.

Food arrived.

Munching underway.

Sam:  Mom, would it be possible to get a root beer float?

Me:  No.

Sam:  Please.

Mom:  So Sam…you just talked with me about negotiating.  I’d like to add to your negotiating skills.  When you consider someone else’s opinion and want to negotiate, you offer a justification for why you think the person should change their mind or a counter offer, rather than just saying please.  A please by itself in my mind is considered begging, not negotiating.

Alex [her exact words…no joke]:  Mom, I had a great day today and having dessert would be a great way to celebrate the day and get me off to a good start tomorrow.

Sam:  Mom, 1) I love sugar, 2) I ate a good dinner, and 3) I love you.

Sammi ordered a Root Beer Float, Alex got a Hot Fudge Sunday, and I got the bread pudding (because I too deserved a bit of sweetness in my day.)

…On drive home in car at about 6:45pm.

Me:  Let’s talk about our plan once we get home.  Is all homework done?

Alex:  I have to fill out my reading log.

Me:  Okay.  Since you didn’t take showers last night because of the softball banquet, those are a must for tonight.  Sammi, you’re up first so Als can fill out her log.  If you want me to read The Penderwicks, then your bodies need to be in bed by 7:30pm.

Alex & Sam:  Buuuuuttttt mooooommmmm…

Me:  Let me introduce you to another new concept very related to the topic of negotiation.  It’s called a NON-NEGOTIABLE.  There are times when it is appropriate to negotiate and there times when it’s not.  We got to a win-win with dessert.  Relish that.  Savor it…because my expectations around our bedtime routine are not open for discussion.

Alex & Sam:  You got it mom!

Moments later as Alex was torturing Sam in the back seat by crossing the invisible center line and taunting Sam.

Sam:  Alex, get off me!!!  This is a non-negotiable.

Audible laughter and amusement from mom.

I give you my word that I didn’t make this up and I had the girls write it / read it with me to ensure I captured the dialogue accurately.

What does this have to do with Almond School?

While we only have 14 days left, we STILL have 14 days left.  Through many interactions with students in the past few days, our students are exploring the concept of negotiation.  While it is very important to support them in finding their voices and we want them to learn how to advocate for their thoughts and opinions, it is also important that there is clarity around non-negotiables.

Here are a few that are coming to mind:

• Arrive to school on time daily.
• Dedicate continued attention to learning until the very last day of school.
• Transition between classes quietly so that the learning inside classrooms is respected and honored.
• Strive to solve problems that arise with peers.
• Demonstrate respectful behavior to our parents serving hot lunch by using common courtesies (e.g. please, thank you, may I).
• Consider when it is appropriate to negotiate (probably not during lunch time when there are 3 adults guiding the behavior of approximately 240 students).
• Wait patiently at dismissal (under the supervision of a guardian) for siblings.
• Walk all bikes and scooters off campus to ensure the safety of every member of our community.

Thank you Almond staff and parents for your support in guiding effective negotiation sense in our children.